what goes up
by envysparkler
Summary: The five times Naegi battled Despair and the one time it won. - Naegi!centric.


**a/n:** Something small I came up with when watching the ending.

**dedication:** to unbeatable optimism.

**disclaimer:** I own nothing.

**summary:** The five times Naegi battled Despair and the one time it won. – Naegi!centric.

* * *

**what goes up**

_must come down_

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_**one**_

**N**aegi would never admit it, not to anyone, not even with his dying breath, but the first time he felt truly lost was when he looked at his third grade history test.

He had dozed off in most of the classes, he hadn't studied at all, and now he was staring at a paper covered in incomprehensible scribbles.

As it was, he was ready to put his head down and start crying.

However, from the bottomless well of hope that he always drew on, Naegi managed to get his act together and attack his paper.

Determined to do the best he could, he racked his memory for anything he remembered, and painstakingly wrote down answers.

When the paper came back with a B, he was pleasantly surprised.

* * *

_**two**_

**O**ptimism had served him well, for _years_, in fact, rising to the point that when Naegi heard he'd been trapped in a school of despair, he simply shrugged it off and focused on living.

However, it was obviously too good to last and when Naegi saw Maizono's dead body crumpled in the bathroom with a knife in her gut, the sickly smell of blood tickling his nose, he felt a rush of despair so strong he briefly lost consciousness.

But Naegi wasn't going to be done in by the death of his classmate and friend. He wasn't going to despair in the knowledge that she planned to set him up. He wasn't going to lose hope in the fact that everything might change for the better.

Pushing aside the hurt, he focused on capturing Maizono's killer, on getting one step closer to unraveling the giant mystery and leaving the bloodstained halls and death-scented rooms.

* * *

_**three**_

**I**t seemed only fitting that Naegi lost his incurable optimism on facing his immediate death.

He faced Monobear, teeth gritted, sweat pouring down his face as the steady _thump_ shook the room every three seconds. His hope was dwindling quickly as he moved backwards, bound to the chair, as Monobear bobbed up and down in front of a blackboard. He chanced one last look to his classmates – his _friends_, who let him die – and watched them look at him with grim expressions and shocked tears.

The room shook more and Naegi knew he was closer to his death. Second by second, he moved steadily backwards. He closed his eyes as the heavy block slammed inches behind him. Defeated, accepting his demise, Naegi let the small flame of hope flicker out…

Only for it to rage back into an inferno as the ground dropped away and he fell into darkness.

* * *

_**four**_

**N**o one, least of all Naegi, knew just how close he was to Despair, trapped in the final Class Trail as he stared down Enoshima Junko. How close his own hope was to being snuffed out as he stared at five people who wouldn't meet his eyes.

The mockery of a classroom had closed in and Junko's smile grew – switched from cute to cunning to snarling to psychopathic in the blink of an eye – as Naegi called desperately to his friends, trying to break them free of the icy tendrils that had captured everyone.

Finally, as Kirigiri came to stand behind him, Despair's hold on his own heart weakened and disappeared, Naegi's hope blazing fiercer than ever.

* * *

_**five**_

**T**he fifth time Naegi faced Despair was also the last.

He watched his friends cut down in front of him, watched them die in the ruins of the world, watched them bleed and gasp and scream to fight Despair.

He drew hope from their sacrifices, drew the courage to step forward. He promised, he vowed to carry on their dreams to reach their goal, to restore hope to the world. He told himself to live, to keep on fighting, to honor his friends in the only way he could.

But he couldn't take another step. He couldn't get up and fight. He couldn't charge into their foes.

Not this time.

Naegi's tears flowed like rain, dampening lavender hair in seconds. He knelt beside the body of his oldest confidante, his best friend, the only companion that had survived for so long, fighting by his side.

His trembling fingers stilled on Kirigiri's cold face, checking for the pulse he knew he wouldn't find.

Not many people survived a bullet to the head, but Kirigiri had always been so indestructible.

When he didn't find the steady thrum of blood rushing under his fingers, the seemingly bottomless well of hope finally ran dry.

Everyone had a breaking point. Everyone had a limit. Even Naegi, the world's last hope, was only human. And there was finally a point in his life when he couldn't keep on hoping – when he, the mightiest hero, _finally_ succumbed to Despair.

Without pausing to think, Naegi uncurled Kirigiri's stiff fingers from the gun that hadn't done her any food. Whispering a small apology for everyone he'd watch die, for everyone he failed, Naegi held the gun to his head and pulled the trigger.

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**le fin**

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**a/n:** I feel so happy to get back to my angsty, tortured roots and write fanfiction on darker topics.


End file.
